Coxey Live – Love Languages and Personality Profiles

Coxey Live – Love Languages and Personality Profiles


How well you truly know your key people has a tremendous impact on the effectiveness of your leadership. 

And there are two key things that are really important to know about your key people if you want to lead them effectively.

Check out my latest article:

Want to Max Your Teams Performance?  Then You Need to Know These Two Things About Your People.


If you’d like a free copy of my e-book, The Dream is Everything, or, you’d like to receive my articles straight to your inbox each week, then click here!

Want to Max Your Teams Performance? Then Here’s 2 Key Things You Need to Know.

Want to Max Your Teams Performance? Then Here’s 2 Key Things You Need to Know.

Some days as a leader, you start thinking that working with plants instead of people would be a fantastic idea because there’s just so much drama, disunity and disharmony within your team!  It feels like you’re back at high school some days!


Though if you’re not truly planning a career in Horticulture, pay attention as I’ve got some tips today to help you navigate the often murky waters of creating unity and harmony among the people you lead, so you can get on with business.


In my last article, we got talking about the positive impact that edifying your people, both publicly and privately, has on their level of devotion and loyalty to you as the leader and to the team culture as a whole. And, I touched on the necessity that to properly edify your people, you need to know your team and know them well, and in this instance, you need to know how they like to be edified.


For example, say for instance, a member of your team did a cracking job, taking it upon themselves to develop a new idea for a client, pull a proposal together, present it and then win new business and you, being incredibly impressed and grateful, planned a surprise thank you morning tea for them in front of the whole company.  However, what you didn’t realise was that they hate being made a big deal of in front of a group of people – they’d rather cut off their right arm than have to be in front of a group to receive praise! So, your well-intentioned plans fall flat, and actually have the opposite effect to the one you well-meaningly intended, all because you didn’t know how they like to be praised and edified.  So instead of increasing their belief in you as the leader, you’ll probably get the opposite effect, all because you didn’t take the time to intentionally find out how they like to be recognised and praised.


Don’t be fooled into thinking that all praise is good praise for everyone, just because it could be for you, as often that’s not the case at all.


How well do you know your key people?

Do you know what makes them tick? 

Do you know the main reason they come to work each day?

What’s their partners name?

Do you know what they value?

Do you know what makes them feel valued?

Do you know how they liked to be edified?



How well you truly know your key people has a tremendous impact on the effectiveness of your leadership. 


When you truly take the time to know each of your key people, it allows you to tailor your leadership style to suit each key individual, and this results in you as the leader showing you actually care about your employee beyond just a member of your team just to serve a purpose.  And when you do this, you build your people up on the inside and they in turn can’t help but increase their loyalty and devotion to you, building unity and harmony and thus helping you achieve the vision you have for your business.  Nice hey? So simple yet so powerful.


You can’t expect to relate to each person the same and get the same result. If you do, you’ll most likely find that you won’t get the most out those who you’re not relating well to.


I’ve been leading teams since 1988 and I’ve found two strategies extremely effective to help me get to know my key people better and they are firstly, to get to know their Personality Profile, and secondly, get to know their primary Love Languages.



Florence Littauer, in her book, Personality Plus, outlines 4 key Personality Profiles that give leaders key insights into how an individual operates.  I read that book for the first time in 1990 and it had a profound effect on my life and my wife’s life, because we were close to getting divorced.  What it did was take the scales off our eyes and we understood for the first time what our personality strengths and personality weaknesses were.  We understood what our partners’ personality was and gave us strategies for us to be able to unify and align within our own relationship and today we’re still married, some 31 years later.  If it wasn’t for that book, there would’ve been no way we could have maintained our own relationship, nor develop the unity and harmony within our life and within our businesses.


I took the principles of Personality Plus and deliberately bought them into my business life, into my client’s lives and into professional sport, with great success. Without understanding people, which starts with understanding yourself, you won’t be able to create unity and harmony.


Florence Littauer’s Personality Profiles are:


  1. Sanguine – the extrovert, the talker, the optimist
  2. Melancholy – the introvert, the thinker, the pessimist
  3. Phlegmatic – the introvert, the watcher, the pessimist
  4. Choleric – the extrovert, the doer, the optimist


You can find out which profile you are, and that of your people, by doing the simple profiling test that Florence outlines in her book.  She then goes into great detail of each Personality Profile and explains the strengths and weaknesses of each.  I can’t recommend her book highly enough as it truly was a game changer for not only my marriage but also my business and those of my clients.


Do you know your Personality Profile?

Do you know the Personality Profile of your key people?




To build unity and harmony, you also need to understand the 5 Love Languages as defined in Gary Chapman’s book of the same title. I teach all my clients that when you understand the Love Languages of the people you lead, you’re working on the heart and spirit of your organisation to build trust, and this in turn creates unity and harmony, which in my experience is essential for getting to where you want to go.


We all have different things in our heart that make us feel valued and special and when leaders know what makes each member on their team feel special and adjust their leadership to suit, it’s pretty powerful as you’re showing that you really do care for each of your key people, and this my friends, pays dividends to your team performance.


Gary Chapman has identified 5 overall Love Languages that apply and they are:


  1. Words of affirmation, e.g. “Your contribution to the project was invaluable”, “I love how you handled that difficult client”
  2. Physical touch, e.g. a high five, a hand shake, a hug, a pat on the back
  3. Quality time, e.g. a coffee, dinner at your home, a one on one meeting
  4. Acts of service, e.g. helping with a difficult task
  5. Receiving gifts, e.g. buying them tickets to an event they’d like, buying a lunch/coffee



In his book, Gary explains each of the 5 Love Languages in detail to give you the ability to better understand and care for the key people in your life, from your partner and kids, to the significant people you surround yourself with.


This isn’t about getting all mushy with Stan in Accounting, but what it is about is knowing how you can best show Stan, how much you appreciate all he does for your business – perhaps getting a coffee at his favourite cafe (quality time) or purchasing him a cap from his favourite sporting team (receiving gifts).  It all depends on his Love Language!


How do you like to be shown love, care and appreciation?

Do you know how your key people like to be shown?


So, here’s two things to focus upon for your key people – knowing their Personality Profiles and Love Languages – to ensure you know them in a meaningful way and in a way that builds them up, makes their heart a little bit bigger, as after all, as leaders, that should be our job, right?  It’s our responsibility to care for those we lead and, truly taking the time to intentionally get to know your people and serving them will pay dividends for not only achieving unity and harmony, but also for you to achieve the vision you have for your business.



How well do you truly know your people?



Thank you for taking the time to read my article.  I trust it helps you build your leadership strength so you can live a better life!


Take care and keep climbing!





If you’d like a free copy of my e-book, The Dream is Everything, or, you’d like to receive my articles straight to your inbox each week, then click here!



I case you missed them, here are the links to the rest of the Servant Leadership Series:


Is Your Team Being Served? The Servanthood Leadership Series. Part 1


How’s Your Humility? The Servanthood Leadership Series. Part 2


Two Easy Ways to Build Team Culture, Loyalty and Devotion. The Servant Leadership Series, Part 3.




Two Easy Ways to Build Team Culture, Loyalty and Devotion. The Servant Leadership Series, Part 3.

Two Easy Ways to Build Team Culture, Loyalty and Devotion. The Servant Leadership Series, Part 3.

There are two highly effective and easy to do strategies that you can implement that will build your culture and increase your team’s loyalty and devotion to you.


What are they you ask?


They’re the simple, yet highly effective principles of Appreciation and Edification and their power of building team culture, loyalty and devotion and, ultimately team performance, should never ever be underestimated. And to ignore them, is at your own detriment.


While the pay is a main driving factor for your people to go to work, it’s Appreciation and Edification that will ensure the top performers come to work for you, stay loyal and devoted to you and give you a stellar performance.



There are some really creative leaders out there, who take the time to dream up ways to  show their appreciation to their people, with their efforts paying dividends for the teams’ culture, performance and loyalty and devotion to them as the leader.  And they’re often not elaborate or expensive, but they show that they care and appreciate each and every member of their team.


For instance, a local Primary School Principal surprised her team on Mother’s Day with a breakfast in the staffroom, – she’d also taken the time to write a personal note to each team member that were placed inside little cake boxes with a beautiful cupcake inside.  So simple, but so effective.  Her staff posted their appreciation all over Social Media that day.  This principal has turned the school around from when she took the reins and has attracted a top team of teachers to the school, and, one of the reasons is that she takes time to regularly show how much her people mean to her.


Another example of a simple yet highly effective display of appreciation that I recently read about is where a leader gave her team a present of appreciation every day of the week for a week, again each with a handwritten note saying how much they valued them (see the pic).  Not a big budget, just some creativity that yielded a massive boost in team spirit, loyalty and devotion.


Now these ideas may be way off base for your team, but I’m sure they give you the gist of what I’m getting at and you can come up with many alternatives to show your appreciation to your own team, which I’m sure you’ve done so already.



How do you show appreciation to your team members?

How often do you do it?

What’s your next idea of how to show the love to your people?




Another incredibly powerful strategy to bolster team culture, loyalty and performance is Edification – where you can promote anyone but yourself.  Everybody wants to feel special and be recognised and, when you promote others in the team you lead, it’s a very powerful behaviour.


The world constantly tells us that it’s “all about you”, but the problem with that is, that if we’re all just thinking about ourselves, then no one is often looking out for anyone else and that never leads to anything great.  When someone actually does take the time to see past themselves and care and promote another person, and show their respect and honour to them, it often surprises and delights the heck out of us – because, it’s usually unexpected.


For instance, acknowledging an awesome performance on a client pitch, to highlighting the effort of team members who stayed late to get a concrete pour done on site, to praising a team member for all the extra hours of effort they’re putting into improving their skills, are all ways you can edify others.


And when we’re edified, it empowers us and fuels an even greater performance and increases our loyalty and trust in the edifier.


When you have a team that practises this strategy constantly, team culture and performance cannot help but be bolstered.


How often do you edify and praise your people?

Who needs to be empowered through praise?



There are two ways you need to consider when looking to edify your team – and they are public edification (in front of others) and private edification (just you and your team member).  Each have their place and the more you get to know your team members, the more you’ll understand how they prefer to be edified.  


Do you know how your team like to be edified and praised?

What’s the next way you can edify someone this week?


Can I encourage you that if you don’t really know how your team members like to receive praise and edification, then find out?  It’ll be worth your while. You want to ensure your good intention is having the desired effect. (In the next blog in this Servant Leadership series, I’ll be talking about two highly effective ways you can get to know your people at a greater level so you’re best able to serve them as the leader. Stay tuned!)


You need to build people to build your business.


When you grow and empower your people through Appreciation and Edification, you prime and fuel your team for a winning performance.



How effectively are you utilising the power of praise and edification in your business or the team you lead?

What could you do more effectively?


Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  I trust it helps you build your leadership strength so you can live a better life!


Take care and keep climbing!



I talk further about this in my book, “The Dream Is Everything”.
If you’d like to receive a FREE e-copy, (RRP $24.95), click here.


In case you missed it:

Is Your Team Being Served?  The Servant Leadership Series, Part 1.

How’s Your Humility? The Servant Leadership Series, Part 2. 



Coxey Live – Is Your Team Being Served?

Coxey Live – Is Your Team Being Served?


How well you serve your team will have a direct impact on the level of performance they give you.

Serving your team is critical for your success.

How do you serve your people?


Check out my latest article: Is Your Team Being Served?


I talk more about this topic in my book, “The Dream Is Everything”.  If you’d like to receive a FREE e-copy , click here.  It’ll be all yours!

How’s Your Humility? The Servanthood Leadership Series. Part 2

How’s Your Humility? The Servanthood Leadership Series. Part 2

Humility: An often under rated leadership quality that is truly next level.


Here’s a true story about what Muhammad Ali did on a plane trip one day…….


The plane Muhammed Ali was a passenger on was going through some pretty rough turbulence so, the Captain turned the seatbelt sign on.  Mr Ali however, ignored the request.


One of the flight attendants came and asked him to buckle his seatbelt.


Mr Ali replied,

“Superman don’t need no seatbelt.”


To which she responded,

“Superman don’t need no plane.”


It was a damn cool and quick-thinking flight attendant that kept one of the greats in check and following safety protocol despite his famous ego!   And it’s ego, or rather lack of, that I want to highlight the importance of today, if you want to ensure you’re leading at your maximum potential and getting the best performance from your people.


If we think about it, the leaders we actually work hard for and like being under the leadership of, are the ones who in fact have Humility in spades, not ego.


In general, Humility is given a pretty bad wrap by the media.  Humble people are often portrayed as a “soft”, bumbling pushover, but in reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth.  Take for instance some of the well-known leaders of our time – Mother Teresa, George Washington, Nelson Mandela, Warren Buffet, Ghandi, – they got some serious stuff done but did it humbly.  Not a push over among them and they’re just the tip of the iceberg.  Look up leaders who lead with Humility and you’ll see a long list.



The author C.S Lewis, put it perfectly when he described Humility as

“Not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”


Here’s another true story that I read recently, about Sam Rayburn, (who served as the Speaker of the House of Representatives in the United States Congress for seventeen years and was third in the line to the Presidency, i.e. a very powerful man), that really challenged me and is an example of pure Humility:


One day, Sam learned that the teenage daughter of a reporter friend had died in a tragic accident. Early the very next morning, he called by his friend’s house.  When his friend answered the door, Sam asked if there was anything he could do.  His friend, shocked and grieving replied, “I don’t think there is anything you can do. We’re making all the arrangements.”


“Well, have you had your coffee this morning?” Sam asked.

“No. We haven’t had time” replied his friend.

“Well,” the Speaker of the House replied, “I can at least make the coffee.”


As the father watched his friend, the Speaker of the House of Representatives, make him coffee, he suddenly remembered something. “Mr. Speaker, I thought you were supposed to be having breakfast at the White House this morning.”


“Well I was, but I called the President and told him I had a friend who was in trouble, and I couldn’t come.”


Sam Rayburn cancelled breakfast with the President of the United States to make coffee for his grieving friend.


When you’re focussed on others more than on yourself, this is when your leadership truly goes to the next level. Countless studies show this statement rings true every time. And why wouldn’t it – when people take the time to care for you and put you ahead of themselves, it’s usually a very pleasant surprise and they go up in your estimation, and your sense of loyalty and admiration for them grows way over for those who don’t.  Leaders who have Humility and who don’t just rely on their charisma and success, like Sam Rayburn, are incredibly more effective and influential than those who aren’t.


A highly effective way of putting your team first before yourself is to give them opportunities to grow and to shine.


Are you putting your trust in them to solve problems by themselves without your input?


Do you send them to courses to further their skills?


Are you letting them do the more challenging or more visible or “glamorous jobs within the business, and not just keeping them for yourself, to grow their skills and give them some limelight and succession within the business? 


Are you really sharing the limelight for team accomplishments or do you take all the credit?


Are you fostering a culture of collaboration where everyone is encouraged to contribute and all ideas are respected – or do you just tell people what they’re going to do with no opportunity at all for discussion and feedback?



Another powerful way to display Humility is to ensure you acknowledge the contributions your people make to your business, as you can’t build your business on your own!   Public and private praise and acknowledgement of everyone’s contribution to the business, from cleaning the office, to buying the toilet paper and biscuits, to answering the phone, to managing a difficult team member, to doing an impressive job for a client or winning new business.  There are countless contributions your people make every day, and all of which help get to where you are today and to where you want to go.


When was the last time you truly thanked your people, one on one and as a team, for the great job they’re doing and tell them how much you appreciate it?


How often do you do it?


A great act of humility is to ensure you don’t make your team do anything you wouldn’t do.  If your people have to work on the weekend, or work late to get something completed, make sure you’re there too, no excuses, even if you just buy the dinner.  Or if there’s a difficult client, don’t palm them off to another person in the team for example.


Are you ensuring you’re doing the harder, less desirable jobs (even cleaning the toilet if needs be), and working alongside your team in the easy stuff as well as the harder tasks?


The last example of Humility I want to leave with you today is Transparency.   Effective and humble leaders are transparent with their key people, sharing their own failures, fears and weaknesses – it makes you so much more real and relatable as the leader.  (But, you must be wise with how much you share and, whom you share this with.)


It’s extremely powerful when you give your people insight into you, that you trust them enough to share your vulnerabilities as the leader, but it’s also a powerful example to your people when they see you push through your fears and you learn from your mistakes, just as you’d like them to do for themselves.


When my mentor Jim, a highly successful man in many, many regards, humbled himself and shared with me his own fears and failures, but also what he’d learnt from them and how he moved forward, not only did he go up in my estimation, it drew me closer to him and I trusted and followed him more.  I’m assuming this is what you’d like your own team to do too.


What can you be more transparent about with your key people?


Do you appreciate it when others share their weaknesses and fears with you?


Do you admit your mistakes and apologise when necessary?



Humility grows your influence as the leader – people respect and value Humility, and when you couple it with success, it’s a very powerful combination. The greater your success, the more powerful your Humility becomes leading your people and the more people want to follow you.   Ego and pride and lack of Humility will have the opposite effect and will see your people get tired of you and disengage with your leadership.  Not something you’re after I’m thinking.


What do you need to have more Humility about?


Is your team being drawn to you due to your Humility? 



Thank you for taking the time to read my article. I hope that you’re enjoying this series on Servanthood Leadership and that it’s stimulating and agitating your thinking, as it is mine.


I trust it helps you build your leadership strength so you can live a better life!  Keep climbing!



I talk further about this in my book, “The Dream Is Everything”.
If you’d like to receive a FREE e-copy, (RRP $24.95), click here.


In case you missed it, here’s part 1 of my Servanthood Series.